First thing, if you are someone with intentions on getting better with yourself and reading this, just know I appreciate you. You are really bold and strong.
Hi, I am Manasa, 22 years, female. I suffered with Anxiety, Depression, OCD, suicidal thoughts (with attempts), extreme self – abuse and almost went to a point where I thought I had another person inside me. I was molested by my maid for months when I was a kid and I didn’t know how much that had affected me until I actually started therapy. At school I was totally abandoned because I was the popular girl who was good at most things she did, popular among boys and all teachers loved me and adding to that I was the principals daughter. I wasn’t able to make any true, good friends and whoever I had around me only wanted to ruin me.
It was not easy for me to start therapy, it took me solid 3 years to convince myself to finally go for it. I suffered with these illnesses for about 8-10 years unknowingly. I was terribly broken and in a horribly toxic relationship when I started my therapy. I didn’t have anyone by my side to support me.
There are a few things I would like to share to let you know that you can get through the most extreme circumstances no matter what.
If you have come so far reading this, I can only assume that you have taken your first step at getting better and believe me this takes a lot of courage to do so. It’s a very bold decision to take action towards this because this will involve you coming face to face with everything that haunts you and still push yourself through because you know no ones coming to save but yourself. Taking this courageous step to getting better is honestly the biggest form of self – love.
“Although pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” – Joseph Nguyen
Realising that its just some time you’ve got on this planet say 70 years, if we are lucky. That means 3650 weeks of which I am 22 years already which means I have 2502.857 weeks left. Now in this time that I have left do I want to spend it happy or sad? The day I realised its all just a decision away. A thought away. That changed my life. If you sit and think about it you will eventually come to the conclusion that every single thing that has caused anxiety about the future or depression about your past is only because you chose to think of it that way. While you’re still depressed and anxious you might not realise it. But that is all it is. Its all just a thought away.
Knowing that you actually have the freedom to do whatever you want, whenever you want and however you want is a whole different kind of happiness. You might experience family pressure, societal pressures etc. But to know how to fight against these odds and get your freedom takes a lot of courage. And finally when you realise that you have the courage to live a life free for yourself. That can bring in a whole shift to your life.
It is true that the nature and we humans are bonded and incredibly connected. You have the strength to make things happen if you just think about it strong enough. Getting lost in nature and being in solitude within nature helps a lot. It just feels as though trees talk much more than words ever do. They let you listen to the vastness in the silence within you. They give you answers from within you for questions outside you. There is a very peculiar beauty in nature that one can only experience but cannot be define.
Have faith. No matter in which context. Have faith in whatever you do and believe that there is an external force that will make it happen. Karma is real and what has to happen will happen eventually. Whatever you try to do to prevent something from happening it will still happen if it is supposed to and vice versa. Take action on what you can control and let go what you cannot control. Everything happens for a reason and the universe has a plan.
Fear is your only competition. Fear is the only one true thing that tries to test your potential. There are so many people with immense talent and potential but do not come out because of the fear of rejection or success or being criticized. Instead of getting scared when such thoughts of fear occur, take it as a challenge. Laugh at it and prove it wrong. But yes, fear is what keeps us alive as well. It lets us know what could be the worse case scenario. It is important to listen to it but do not let it control your actions. Because if you let it get to your head it can put you back into a whole spiral of questions where you doubt yourself and experiences and every other thing you’ve done or will do. So listen to your fear but just be optimistic about it.
Now that I am close to living the life I want I can look back and see what it took me to get through this. It was not easy and it is never going to be easy. The stream will always flow. You just need to know where to steer the boat and where to let the stream go and believe that it will take you where it has to. Learning to talk and deal with mental health is truly the best form of self-love. You learn so much about yourself, about the world, life and the true meaning of it. Life is all about the way you chose it to be. Its all just a thought away.
By Manasa Spandana
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