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The tragedy of invisible burnout is that the person experiencing it may not look like someone who needs help. They may still be achieving, have a job, study, have good grades, attend social events and appear highly successful. But the amount of productivity fails to tell us how much energy was required to achieve it. A person can be functioning externally while falling apart internally. This is particularly important for people who have spent years masking or compensating for their neurodivergence. In some cases, a diagnosis may not come until adulthood, after years of being told that difficulties with concentration, organisation, sensory regulation or social interaction are simply personal shortcomings.
The chase isn’t always irrational. Sometimes, it’s just our brain following patterns it has already learned over many years. Why unavailable people feel more attractive you ask?
I kept saying I was fine because I thought if I said it enough, maybe it would become true. But so many people are doing the same as me, and I was so wrong, because smiling through burnout, functioning through depression, surviving through silence, and being rewarded by how quietly we take on the challenges, is so emotionally exhausting, I have decided to become a little selfish, and so should you, so the next time someone says “are you okay?”, I will be brave enough to start with something like, “I have been overwhelmed lately. Can you sit with me for some time?”, it might be small step, but from my experience with my own emotions and those of others, I know sometimes people who need help are the one who have mastered sounding okay. So, I’ll be brave, and say, “Maybe I am not.”